What Does the Parable of the 10 Virgins Teach Us?

The story of the 10 virgins found in Matthew 25:1-13 is a well-recognized parable of Jesus, and one with a profoundly important message for all of humanity. It’s one of several parables that are meant to describe what the “kingdom of heaven” is like, and it’s about expectancy, urgency, and having a sincere, personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

This parable is often studied in depth because of all its symbolism. These symbols were very familiar in Jesus’ time, but many of these terms or traditions aren’t as common today.

But that doesn’t have to take away from the pivotal lesson embedded in this metaphorical story. Jesus wants us to understand what it really means to have a saving relationship with Him.

So let’s unpack this parable and look at:

• What happens in the story
• Contextual details
• Characters/roles
• What deeper truths we learn

Let’s start with the actual events involved in this story about a big, important wedding celebration.

What happens in the parable of the 10 virgins?

Photo by Ioana Ye on Unsplash

Right at the beginning of Matthew 25, we’re introduced to 10 virgins (or bridesmaids, but more on that in a bit) who are invited to be an integral part of a wedding procession. As was the custom in Jesus’ time, these women would go out to wait for the groom to greet him on his way to the final destination of the procession, where the wedding feast would be held.

All 10 bridesmaids bring lamps to light the way, but only half of them bring all the oil they need to keep their lamps lit.

For some unknown reason, the groom is delayed and they all fall asleep waiting for him. Around midnight, he arrives and all 10 young women rush to do their duty—to use their lamps to lead the way in the dark to the wedding feast. But five of the bridesmaids can’t light their lamps since they didn’t bring more oil with them.

The five young women without oil—the foolish virgins, as the Bible calls them—ask the other five—the wise virgins—to share their oil, but the wise say “no” because there isn’t enough oil to go around for the journey. If they gave away some of their oil, no one’s lamps would be able to stay lit.

So the five foolish young women go into town to buy oil. But while they’re buying their oil, the groom arrives and the five bridesmaids who were present go into the wedding feast. And after they got inside, the groom closes the door.

When the foolish return to the wedding feast with their newly-purchased oil, they call out to the groom to let them into the wedding feast, but he doesn’t open the door for them. But surprisingly, the reason given to them was not “no, because you’re late” or “no, because you fell asleep.” The groom’s final words to them were, “I do not know you” (Matthew 25:12, ESV).

So even though they were invited to the wedding feast, the groom treats them like strangers.

What? Why?

The story seems a bit harsh at first. We’re shown 10 innocent young women, all trying to do their job, but some of them make a seemingly-small mistake that costs them greatly. They ask for help but are told “no,” so they do what anyone would have done in their situation—they go to buy what they need. So doesn’t calling them foolish for this feel a bit over the top?

But the response of the groom saying “I do not know you” reveals that there’s more to this parable than we initially might think.

So what’s really going on here? Let’s look into the context to help us understand things more clearly.

We’ll start with what prompted Jesus to tell this story in the first place.

The context surrounding the parable of the 10 virgins

Jesus had just left the temple after teaching the religious leaders and crowds that were gathered there (Matthew 21-23). When He stopped at the Mount of Olives, the disciples privately asked Him to share “the sign of Your coming and of the end of the age” (Matthew 24:3). In response to their question, Jesus told the disciples three parables about how to be ready for His return and how to live until He returned:

• the parable of the 10 virgins
• the parable of the talents
• the parable of the sheep and goats

So the parable of the 10 virgins is the first one in this short series about preparing for “the kingdom of heaven.”

Culturally speaking, Jesus was describing a traditional first-century Jewish wedding celebration, which could sometimes take place over several days. After being married at the bride’s home, the groom would walk his new bride to the wedding feast at his home.

“Jewish custom required the bridesmaids to wait at the bridegroom’s house, to receive him and the bride, and as this was commonly after sunset, they were provided with lamps or torches.”¹

But why 10 virgins in the story? One theologian notes, “The bridesmaids were normally virgins who would want to perform their duties well, as they hoped to find husbands themselves soon.”² In their duty as light bearers, they were also communicating that they were ready for marriage, too.

So the disciples would have easily understood these important parts of their culture, which would help them understand the larger, deeper message Jesus was illustrating.

Several New Testament writers also used wedding imagery to describe Jesus’ relationship with His people, or “the church” (Matthew 9:15, Mark 2:18-20, Revelation 21:2, and Revelation 21:9-10, to name a few). John the Baptist even explains that Jesus represents the bridegroom and the church represents the bride (John 3:28-30).

So Jesus is “engaged” to the church, and His relationship with the church will culminate during His second coming (Revelation 19:6-9).

This might sound a little weird to us now, but Jesus was using the commonly understood language of the time when He explained these facets of the kingdom of heaven.

When we keep this in mind, we can understand the parable of the 10 virgins a bit more.

Characters/roles

Just like any well-crafted story, this parable has characters whose choices reflect something important that the author or speaker (in this case, Jesus) is trying to communicate. By looking more closely at who the characters represent and the choices they make, we can learn vital life lessons that help us better understand ourselves and, in this parable, better understand God and the kingdom of heaven.

Jesus, as the groom, loves His bride (“the church,” aka His followers) with a sacrificial love (John 3:16).

(To learn more about this love, read How the Bible Defines Love.)

The 10 bridesmaids represent the church—Christ’s community. That’s us!

Jesus begins the parable by saying “the kingdom of heaven will be like…” (Matthew 25:1). And this is why the 10 bridesmaids are invited to the wedding feast. We’re all invited to join Jesus’ heavenly community and we’re waiting for His return, just like the bridesmaids were waiting for the groom.

The groom

Photo by lucas souza

The actions of the groom reveal more about the character of Jesus and His plan for the kingdom of heaven.

He delayed: First, the groom is delayed. In Jewish culture, the groom arriving after dark to escort the bride to the wedding feast was common, though exactly when he’d arrive was unpredictable.³ But in this parable the groom is delayed longer than expected. So long, in fact, that everyone falls asleep while waiting for him (Matthew 25:5).

We can see glimpses of what Jesus says about Himself in the groom’s delay. One chapter earlier, Jesus told His disciples, “Now concerning that day and hour no one knows—neither the angels of heaven nor the Son—except the Father alone” (Matthew 24:36, CSB).

If no one knows exactly when the groom will get there, then it makes sense to stay ready at all times. That’s why Jesus says at the end of the parable, “Therefore be alert, because you don’t know either the day or the hour” (Matthew 25:13, CSB).

He arrived: It was late, as far as those waiting were concerned. But for the groom, that’s simply how long it took to get there from the start of the wedding procession at the bride’s home.

He welcomed those who were waiting: As soon as the groom arrived, those who were there to greet him were welcomed into the wedding reception (Matthew 25:10).

He decided: After the whole wedding party goes in to the feast, however, the groom closes the door. And it stayed closed when the five foolish bridesmaids finally show up. Even though he invited them to the wedding feast, their actions revealed their true priorities, which disrespected the groom and his bride,⁴ so they were cut off from the community.

But why would the groom shut the door on them? Couldn’t he just open the door again and let them join everyone else inside?

To answer that question, we’ll look into the bridesmaids’ actions.

The bridesmaids

Photo by Thilipen Rave Kumar

Remember that the story distinguishes between the bridesmaids: the five wise and the five foolish.

At the starting part of the story, all 10 of them knew what they were supposed to do: light the way. And they all had lamps to do just that.

But the actions of one half set them apart from the other half. The fact that the wise bridesmaids were ready helps show how foolish it was to not be ready, in this type of situation.

The five foolish bridesmaids were partially prepared, but not fully prepared. They had their lamps, but didn’t bring oil with them.
And they would have known that without enough oil, they couldn’t perform the duty that they were called to do because the lamps only worked when they had plenty of oil!

So when it was time for them to do their part in the wedding procession, their lamps were useless. And their lack of preparation cost them dearly.

“The ‘oil’ is the divine grace, or more definitely, the gift of the Holy Spirit, without which the torch first burns dimly and then expires.”⁵

It takes the power of the Holy Spirit to sustain our light. Without Him, we may spark for a short while, but we won’t have the fuel to keep going.

Not having enough oil wasn’t just a simple mistake. “The unwise bridesmaids’ negligence has insulted the couple and the other participants in the wedding.”⁶

It was within their power to be ready, but they instead expected everyone (the wise bridesmaids, the groom, and the wedding guests) to wait for them to purchase more oil. So on top of everything else, they were acting in an entitled manner.

And they were negligent. They didn’t take their responsibilities seriously and as a result, they were cut off from everyone at the wedding feast. Benson Commentary, for Matthew 25, says that by closing the door, the groom was saying they “pretended to be my friends, and to do me honour: but you have not acted as friends, nor do I acknowledge you as such.”⁷

The five wise bridesmaids, however, not only understood what they were supposed to do, but their actions demonstrated it. They didn’t know exactly when the groom would return, so they “took flasks of oil with their lamps” (Matthew 25:4, ESV) so that no matter what would happen or how long it would take, they would have what they needed.

When the foolish bridesmaids asked the wise to share some of their oil, the wise understood that there wasn’t enough oil for everyone’s lamps to stay lit. So if they shared, then none of the lamps would have enough oil to make it to the wedding feast. The wise telling the foolish “no” wasn’t out of selfishness or disrespect—they were being smart. Since they were the only ones with oil, the responsibility of lighting the way to the wedding feast rested solely on their shoulders. They couldn’t share.

And the foolish ones also knew how the lamps work. They should have known that sharing oil would cause everyone’s lamps to go out because of insufficient fuel.

So when the foolish bridesmaids missed the groom because of their carelessness, it revealed that the wedding, and their responsibilities within it, were not their priority. They showed up in name, but without substance. They were insincere.

Putting it all together, the 10 bridesmaids’ actions show that we have a choice, which reflects the part of God’s character that doesn’t force us into His love. Being a part of His community is a gift we can either receive or reject, and our actions make it clear which we choose. But the choice is always ours.

What can we learn from the parable of the 10 virgins?

You can probably see something familiar in some part of this parable. There’s the excitement of being invited to a special event, or the honor of having a specific duty or responsibility. There’s also the panic of having to get something last minute that you forgot. Or the rejection of being excluded from a relationship or community.

It all sounds so dooming.

But Jesus also showed us that an incredibly wonderful option is also just a choice away. The parable is meant to clarify what’s most important, but it’s also to give us hope as we remember that God wants us to be with Him and He is coming back for us.

Jesus wants us fully

The most hopeful part of this parable is that the wise bridesmaids were fully prepared for the groom’s return. They didn’t know exactly when he’d arrive, so they took oil so they’d be ready for anything. Making sure they were ready was rooted in their love for the groom.

We can put ourselves in the groom’s shoes here: how would we feel if we asked a loved one to be an important part of our wedding, and they put very little effort into it? What if they were unenthusiastic and unenergetic, but suddenly perked up when the food and cake came out? Would we feel like they really cared about us, or would we feel frustrated, used, or even rejected?

Who wants to be constantly guessing if someone’s heart is really into the relationship?

Why would we keep letting people into our lives who didn’t truly care about us?

That’s why there comes a time when the door has to be closed.

And on the other hand, it’s deeply satisfying to know that someone really cares about you and wants to know you completely. With Jesus, you are safe to surrender every aspect of your life to Him so that you’re completely His. That’s just the kind of motivation we need to help us go the extra mile, and the Holy Spirit strengthens us along the way. And when our Savior does return, we will be fully ready because we are fully His.

Delay doesn’t mean denial

Photo by Yan Krukau

It’s frustrating when someone is late for an appointment, especially if you’re the one waiting—and you’re just waiting and not doing anything else to occupy your time. The feeling of frustration grows with each passing minute.

Jesus promised to return more than two thousand years ago, and that feels like an eternity to us. And if we just sit around and dwell on that delay, we can easily get tired of waiting.

But Jesus gave us important things to do until it’s time for His return. There will always be people around us who need to learn about Him, who need to be encouraged, or who need to be spoken up for because they can’t speak up for themselves. There is plenty for us to do to build up His kingdom while we wait.

And it helps to remember that this “delay” isn’t the same as what we’d think of as someone dragging their feet or hesitating for no real reason. God, who sees all, knows the perfect time for the Second Coming. And He wants to give every single one of us the chance to choose life with Him (2 Peter 3:8-9).

So what feels like a delay to us doesn’t mean He won’t keep His promise. Jesus will return at just the right time. And we can continue to have hope, because having to wait for Him doesn’t compare to spending eternal life with Him in a brand new, sinless earth.

In our daily lives, when something goes wrong or gets delayed, we can choose to panic or we can stay patient and hopeful, remaining grounded in our faith. Everything we experience can build our character if we let it (Romans 5:3-4).

Until the Second Coming of Christ, we can live our lives according to His plan for us (Luke 19:13). We can be productive every day while we wait. We can focus on the mission and the relationship so that when He finally arrives, we won’t have to hurry and get ready because we are ready.

But what does this actually look like?

Knowledge is good. Living is better.

All 10 bridesmaids did what is quite natural to do when it’s late at night: they slept. This doesn’t mean they were neglecting their duties. It means they were doing what comes naturally to them, given the circumstances. It was late, they were tired, so they slept.

So while we wait for Jesus to return, we should do what comes naturally to us: live our lives. Eat. Drink. Sleep. Go to work. Raise families. Pay bills. Buy groceries. We should do all of the things that make up a life.

What makes us part of God’s community is how we live our lives. The Christian life is intentional.

We should absolutely fill our minds with all the information we can get about Jesus and His coming kingdom so that we really understand what we believe. We should read the Bible and remind ourselves of His promises and how we can be ready for when He returns (Romans 8:5-6). It’s even okay to rest when we get tired. Even Jesus rested when He got tired (Matthew 8:23-24, John 4:5-6, Luke 5:15-16).

But all that knowledge doesn’t help us if we don’t put it to use. Knowing comes alive through appropriate action, which means knowing isn’t enough. In fact, if “knowing” something has no effect on our hearts or our actions, can we really claim to know it at all?

Being invited to the wedding feast doesn’t automatically mean we will get to experience the wedding feast. After all, we can’t fully know Jesus for ourselves based on the faith of our parents, our friends, or our church family. Just like we wouldn’t automatically feel like we’re best friends with someone because they know our parents or our other friends. Or we wouldn’t feel like we could marry someone just because they’re good friends with one of our siblings.

A relationship is only real to us if we’re in it! So we have to have our own relationship with Him to really know Him.

We can deepen our relationship with God by loving Him fully and loving others through our actions (Matthew 22:37-39). And there are plenty of passages in the Bible about how to do that (try reading in Romans 12, Galatians 5, Ephesians 4-6, Colossians 3-4, and Philippians 2, to name a few).

All 10 bridesmaids knew they had a mission—they knew to expect the bridegroom and they knew they needed oil, but only half of them turned their knowledge into appropriate action.

Having knowledge about a person is not the same as being in a relationship with a person. When our actions are rooted in Christ, how we live our lives changes our hearts and deepens our relationship with God.

Every person we encounter, every task we complete, every trial we overcome is an opportunity to share the love of God and demonstrate His character while we wait for Him to return.

God’s timing is perfect

Eventually, though, the window of opportunity to prepare will close. And only those who are fully prepared for His coming will enter His kingdom. God is sovereign and only He knows exactly when He will return (Matthew 24:36). Which is wonderful news because it gives us one less thing to worry about!

But it also means we should be ready all the time.

Having confidence in someone else’s knowledge of time is freeing and it helps give us the energy we need to focus on what we should be concentrating on: sharing the love of Christ with others, fully preparing for His return with a sense of urgency, and being watchful, knowing that He will come back.

Jesus told the parable about wise and foolish bridesmaids so that we could understand what’s asked of us and why. We know we need to watch out and be ready for His return, and the Holy Spirit helps us stay ready—while doing good, living an abundant life (John 10:10), and sharing the fruits of the Spirit in the meantime.

The parable itself acts as a lamp with enough oil to light our way—so we can see the kingdom of God more clearly.

Want to learn more about the parables of Jesus? Find a list here:

1. “Matthew 25:1,” Ellicott’s Commentary for English Readers, https://biblehub.com/commentaries/ellicott/matthew/25.htm [↵]
2. Keener, Craig S. “Notes on Matthew.” NIV Cultural Backgrounds Study Bible, 1664. [↵]
3. Keener, Craig S. “Notes on Matthew.” NIV Cultural Backgrounds Study Bible, 1664. [↵]
4. Ibid [↵]
5. “Matthew 25,” Ellicott’s Commentary for English Readers, https://biblehub.com/commentaries/ellicott/matthew/25.htm [↵]
6. Keener, Craig S. “Notes on Matthew.” NIV Cultural Backgrounds Study Bible, 1664. [↵]
7. “Matthew 25:10,” Benson Commentary, https://biblehub.com/commentaries/benson/matthew/25.htm [↵]

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